I absolutely love-with all my soul-love it when i’m in a car surrounded by friends, and the windows are down and the wind blowing all throughout the car just feels so invigorating that it gives me goosebumps. Although tonight in particular, i realized that with the windows down and the wind rushing around us, i felt so comfortable, so chill; yet what i really loved about tonight was that my friend’s brother blasted The Only Exception by Paramore and we all sang along.
🙂
Last night I felt like I was on the verge of having a panic attack. It might sound a bit dramatic but maybe it’s because school starts in a week. My senior year of high school, which I’ve been anticipating since I was 12. In my head, my senior year was going to be perfect, I didn’t really have an outline for “perfect” but this isn’t it. I mean it’s not just school that’s making me feel anxious. Considering my step-dad’s death was only 7 months ago, it really shook me up and I still feel like my current reality is going to crumble at any second. Honestly, I’m fucking scared to fully enjoy life again. I’m scared to feel anything at all. I’ve been feeling pessimistic than optimistic (which is rare!)And that has been worrying me because I do not want to go back into the state of mind called “depression” I’ve hit rock bottom before, and I’m scared the second time will be worse. I’m scared that I haven’t prepared myself for utter disappointment, whatever that might be, I’m scared to face it. I’m scared of who I’m changing into. I can sense that I have, and a new nicole is wanting to burst out but I’m scared. I’m simply just fucking scared.
My score in laser tag was about 3,000+ somewhere between 3,100-3,200.
I’m pretty proud of myself 🙂
Also i went up the rock wall 2 times. I wish my cousin recorded me going down, because it was pretty hilarious. anyway, i had so much fun and left with an amazing adrenaline rush-i’m still pretty pumped too! (even though it’s like 10 pm)
I’ll probably sleep like a baby tonight, i hope so though cause we’re waking up bright & early to go to San Fran 😀
So after watching Mona Lisa Smile for the 2nd time recently, i decided i wanted a headband similar to giselle’s…
Well i finally found it! It’s from H&M & it was $5; i’m only using it to keep the hair out of my face when i go to bed though. Not sure if i’ll ever wear it in public. 😛
Anyway, I gotta run. (literally)
I have so much fun with my 2 year old sister.
So basically,
we have these moments when i lay next to her & we just look at each other and then she starts to make these ridiculous sounds so i try to mimic her and then we end up doing the same things at the same time, and then we start to laugh, at first a fake laugh and then it becomes a genuine laugh. Once we stop laughing, she goes back to making weird faces and noises and as i try to mimic her we continue to laugh again until my mom tells us to stop at least 4 times.
🙂
It’s just like this, except i’m not a baby, and we’re not twin boys. haha
His 43 year old fiance is one lucky lady.
You know what? From now on, my birthday wish every year will be that even when i’m in my 40’s, i’ll be able to attract someone as handsome as Aaron Johnson.
🙂 ❤
Uh shit, wishes don't come true if people know huh?
Oooh well, it's a good thing no one reads my blog.
I’m still so upset about the ending of Remember Me. Oh and it’s not because of what happened to Robert’s character at the end. I’m generally sad about the entire circumstance of the ending. It reminded me of the true family & friends that were affected. So i cried for a good solid hour as i thought about the lives that were lost on that unfortunate day. (btw, not to the point of hyperventilating/snot dripping out of my nose)
Anyway, all i have left to mention is that this is the movie to avoid if you don’t want to cry your eyeballs out-because any human being should at least shed one tear at the end of Remember Me.
So i tried to confront my mom about the way she’s been acting toward us and she said i was giving ‘attitude & being dis-respectful’; yet all i’ve been trying to do lately is understand her, to help her with the fact we lost someone very important to us but all she does is push us away! Instead of instigating the sudden argument, i walked away.It just seems like every time i try to make things work, there’s a confrontation & i absolutely hate confrontation in general.Why must there be a war before peace?It’s ridiculous. THIS is what i would’ve said to my mom if these possibilities didn’t exist: a) get slapped possibly numerous times b)get kicked out of this house c)grounded d)dealing with other family relatives being upset with me because i know she’ll vent to them instead of working it out with me. e)my step-dad scolding me in my dreams/scaring the shit out of me.
“It’s really pathetic that you treat us the way you do lately and you don’t even realize it or at least you ignore to realize it. You know, i’m the only one here who wants to tell you the truth yet you always blow it out of proportion. A simple opinion leads us into a fuming debate. Our communication is shit. I mean we basically have none. I hoped that the move back to California would help us become closer as a family, including the other family we have here, but it hasn’t been about our family, it’s about them. I can’t believe you just said you treat them nicer because “they’re nice to me” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! We’re your family, they’re a part of our family too but they have their own and you can’t put them first, it’s just wrong. Also you shouldn’t treat us however meanly you choose to because of this reason ‘i’m the mom.’ Why abuse your power? Wouldn’t you rather have a conversation that goes like this-“Me:MOM WHY ARE YOU SO NICE?!” You-“Because i love you.” Okay maybe that’s a bit cheesy but i’d rather have a cheesy relationship than none at all. By the way, you always seem to favor them more than us. I just don’t get it, you treat them like they’re your daughters yet you treat your real daughters so differently. I know you love us, but it really sucks to see that you seem like you love them more. It’s like being your daughter isn’t enough, i’m sorry i can’t be your husband, i mean if it was legal, i would, i just want you to be happy and it kills me to see that you act like daddy was the only positive person in your life. I know i wasn’t an expected pregnancy and we didn’t really have those early critical years to bond but there’s no use in wishing for things to be better and that’s why I’m trying to put so much effort into having a better relationship with you. Oh & whenever we try to resolve things, you always say the same thing (even before daddy passed)-“It’s not easy. Change doesn’t happen over night.” Then for the next few days we work it out and you attempt at being patient, less moody, and more open-minded; yet you regress back into a PMS state of mind and eventually we end up arguing about the same things. We’re lucky we’re blessed with so much love and that daddy is now watching over us, i mean we have things that others don’t, and even though we have everything we need, we’re not a happy family.”
“She’s got you thinking this is how you’re supposed to be. It’s not. WE’RE YOUNG. We’re supposed to drink too much. We’re supposed to have bad attitudes and shag each other’s brains out. We were designed to party. We owe it to ourselves to party hard. We owe it to each other. This is it. This is our time. So a few of us will overdose, or go mental. Charles Darwin said you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. That’s what it’s about: breaking eggs — by eggs, I mean, getting twatted on a cocktail of class As.
If you could see yourselves… we had it all. If you could just see yourselves, it breaks my heart…YOU’RE WEARING CARDIGANS! We have fucked up bigger and better than any generation that came before us. WE WERE SO BEAUTIFUL! We’re screw-ups. I’m a screw-up. I plan on staying a screw-up until my late twenties, or maybe even my early thirties. And I will shag my own mum before I let her…. or anyone else take that away from me!”-Nathan
The season finale was brillant. I’m so excited for Series 2!
“You know how subatomic particles don’t obey physical laws? They act according to chance, chaos, coincidence. They run into each other in the middle of the universe somewhere, and bang! Energy! That’s the great thing about the universe. It’s unpredictable.” -Tony Stonem
My Meanings. 