where is the love?

So i tried to confront my mom about the way she’s been acting toward us and she said i was giving ‘attitude & being dis-respectful’; yet all i’ve been trying to do lately is understand her, to help her with the fact we lost someone very important to us but all she does is push us away! Instead of instigating the sudden argument, i walked away.It just seems like every time i try to make things work, there’s a confrontation & i absolutely hate confrontation in general.Why must there be a war before peace?It’s ridiculous. THIS is what i would’ve said to my mom if these possibilities didn’t exist: a) get slapped possibly numerous times b)get kicked out of this house c)grounded d)dealing with other family relatives being upset with me because i know she’ll vent to them instead of working it out with me. e)my step-dad scolding me in my dreams/scaring the shit out of me.

“It’s really pathetic that you treat us the way you do lately and you don’t even realize it or at least you ignore to realize it. You know, i’m the only one here who wants to tell you the truth yet you always blow it out of proportion. A simple opinion leads us into a fuming debate. Our communication is shit. I mean we basically have none. I hoped that the move back to California would help us become closer as a family, including the other family we have here, but it hasn’t been about our family, it’s about them. I can’t believe you just said you treat them nicer because “they’re nice to me” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! We’re your family, they’re a part of our family too but they have their own and you can’t put them first, it’s just wrong. Also you shouldn’t treat us however meanly you choose to because of this reason ‘i’m the mom.’ Why abuse your power? Wouldn’t you rather have a conversation that goes like this-“Me:MOM WHY ARE YOU SO NICE?!” You-“Because i love you.” Okay maybe that’s a bit cheesy but i’d rather have a cheesy relationship than none at all. By the way, you always seem to favor them more than us. I just don’t get it, you treat them like they’re your daughters yet you treat your real daughters so differently. I know you love us, but it really sucks to see that you seem like you love them more. It’s like being your daughter isn’t enough, i’m sorry i can’t be your husband, i mean if it was legal, i would, i just want you to be happy and it kills me to see that you act like daddy was the only positive person in your life. I know i wasn’t an expected pregnancy and we didn’t really have those early critical years to bond but there’s no use in wishing for things to be better and that’s why I’m trying to put so much effort into having a better relationship with you. Oh & whenever we try to resolve things, you always say the same thing (even before daddy passed)-“It’s not easy. Change doesn’t happen over night.” Then for the next few days we work it out and you attempt at being patient, less moody, and more open-minded; yet you regress back into a PMS state of mind and eventually we end up arguing about the same things. We’re lucky we’re blessed with so much love and that daddy is now watching over us, i mean we have things that others don’t, and even though we have everything we need, we’re not a happy family.”

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